I can't understand why my boyfriend, David is pulling away from me! It seems like I'm no longer the only one for him in this world and with all these new friends he has now, I've become non existent. I encouraged him to become the perfect new waver that he always wanted to become and now I think I've created a monster. All his friends despise me!
He was so ecstatic the first time he went to Medusas and down to Belmont and Clark. He was grateful about it. He had the time of his life and I did whatever I could to make it memorable even if I wasn't nervous about doing so. Now, I guess, I don't know where were headed. Things seemed so much easier when we weren't going out. Even fooling around with him was more fun back then. I've been crying myself to sleep at night lately wanting things to be how they were before. I never let David know that, but that's whats been happening.
In the past few weeks, David and I have been fighting on and off. Charlotte and I even got thrown out of Trax by Violet, but that was my fault for trying to lift something on a dare. That made me look really bad. David even caught me sneaking down to Medusas when I thought he wouldn't be there to experience getting high for the first time, but that went south because we wound up getting Ecstasy instead of speed and David wound up sneaking out as well! And we were so out of it that we started to make out with some gay guy at the club. I guess it was wrong for me to do that. Charlotte makes it all seem like fun and then it backfires for me.
I'm also questioning this whole modeling career that I'm going for. I mean, Charlotte was the one who suggested this and, at the time, it seemed like a good idea. I just don't know if I got what it takes. I especially have been missing my original plan to go become a vet. Every time I see a kitten or a puppy, it just makes me think about being a vet. I guess I have to at least try modeling. I'm afraid that my friends would laugh at me if I dropped out of modeling without trying it.
I don't know what to do?
I still love David.
I still love animals.
I'm afraid of losing everything.
Why do I feel so insecure?
I guess it doesn't matter.
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